Larry was Jumper. I was Myron.
Jumper and Myron lived in Montreal and ran a wholesale pickle business. They were Jewish. They had accents from New York. They thought they were tough "On the Waterfront" types. They ruled an imaginary empire that had East, West, North and South docks. They employed a Russian guy - I think his name was Ivan - who drove the truck. But, their prized employee - the star of the pickle business - was Cynthia.Cynthia provided secretarial services, sexual services, and helped put their pickle business on the map. Cynthia had the unique ability of making pickles "in utero". Yes, she made "vagina pickles". Jumper and Myron referred to them in an earthier way. They were bottled and sold as Cynthia's Pickles. How we came up with this preposterous premise is beyond me. Larry and I shared a perverse sense of humour that observed no boundaries. The mere mention of pickles sent us careening through sexual innuendoes and - lo - in no time at all, Cynthia was gestating pickles for the business.
What can I say? We were 20.
Jumper Harris and Myron Mytweechuck. Indomitable, thick-skinned, world weary, lovable losers who dreamed that someday they would be rich and powerful. Myron had a horrible stutter that could only be cured with a brisk hit from Jumper. Jumper was a ladies man who had been married so many times he couldn't recall any of his ex's names.
They survived the cutthroat world of the pickle trade.
How Larry and I even dreamed this stuff up is beyond me. We could pretend to be Jumper and Myron for hours on end. Amusing ourselves. Topping each other with tall tales and outrageous inventions of the story of Cynthia's pickles. The amazing thing is: the characters were real to us. They had lives beyond our own. They existed.
Jumper was the alpha, Myron was the beta. Imagine Joe Buck and Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo (Midnight Cowboy), morphed with Spike the Bulldog and Chester the Terrier (Looney Tunes).
Larry & Jumper are gone now. Daryl and Myron, Ivan and the beautiful Cynthia mourn his passing.
Larry passed away on August 1, 2010, surrounded by his loving family in Barrie Ontario.
No comments:
Post a Comment